Building Blocks of a Strong Mentoring Relationship
Both the mentor and the mentee contribute to the success of a mentoring relationship. Create the most productive relationship by following these tips.
BE A GOOD MENTOR
Acknowledge natural strengths and coach weaknesses. Listen for what your mentee’s doing right and for her own good ideas. Be honest about your thoughts for improvement.
Share your big lessons. Tell your own stories, good and bad, but most importantly, what you’ve learned from your experience.
Don’t solve every problem. Coach your mentee on the art of finding solutions, rather than just giving advice about what you would do. Teach a person to fish, and she’ll eat for a lifetime, right?
Encourage big thinking. A mentee may be concerned about paying her bills this month, and your job is to help her see how she can pay her bills for the next five years or five decades.
Be clear about the time you can offer. Are you up for an email anytime or would you prefer a monthly contact? A quarterly phone call? An in-person lunch? Decide what you can offer and let your mentee know.
Set your boundaries. Teach her what kinds of questions you are willing to discuss. Are the questions she is bringing you something she should be sorting out with friends or work peers or her sister? Save your time, energy, and advice for things that she will have difficulty learning from anyone else.
It’s a long game. Being a good mentor means you are in it for the long haul. If you set clear expectations, this relationship can be a win for both parties. But also keep in mind, as your situation changes, or the relationship is no longer beneficial for both of you, you can end things. Do so with kindness and a clear explanation of why.
A GOOD MENTEE
Respect your mentor’s time and willingness to help. Stick to your agreement of how and when you’ll be in touch. Don’t overdo it, and don’t drop the ball once someone has decided to invest in you.
Listen with an open, humble mind. You might get advice you don’t agree with, and you should definitely trust your gut instinct. But weigh suggestions carefully. One of my own mentors once gave me advice I vehemently disagreed with, but within 48 hours I could see he was absolutely right.
Ask good questions. Prepare to get the most out of your conversations with questions like: What’s been your biggest lesson in business or life? What mistake has taught you the most? What are three things you think I could do better?
Create accountability. End each session with a commitment to take some action that you can report on next time you meet. Deadlines make the world go around.
Change the relationship. When done right, these relationships are important to you in your growing career. Do what you can to adapt the relationship as you grow and change with age, experience, need, and knowledge. As with all relationships, when it is no longer working, have a conversation about changing expectations or parting ways. Always being grateful for the gifts your mentor gave you.